It’s time for some spring cleaning

I’m watching them play robots and humans. Two of them are mimicking robots. The others are human beings each owning a robot. They laugh as the robots try to obey their masters and fail. Miserably so.

It’s more spacious now. The room that is. I’ve moved the bed to a corner away from the glaring lights. I’ve bought a new carpet. It’s matching the duvet. I’ve finally gotten round to spreading out my clothes in the wardrobes. For a year they remained in dude’s room where I would pick them up whenever I wanted to. I’ve bought new curtains. Purple. The color of royalty. After all, I am the queen of my life. I deserve only the best. I have gotten rid of all the unnecessary baggage. I’ve given out anything I haven’t worn in the last three months. I feel lighter. There is space now for more.
I have kept away the photos. The wedding cards. The self help marriage books we did for all those years. Any memory of it. I’ve stored it far away. Top most shelf where I need a ladder to retrieve. I have dusted the shelves. I have washed my hands.
I have spread a crispy clean pair of bedding. It looks different. A mini makeover. The troop loves it. I love it. More space. For myself. For the troop.

It’s been a year. A tumultuous one I must say. Fraught with seasons where I almost gave up. Where my body was beaten to submission. Where financial needs overwhelmed me. Where my emotions were stretched thin. Where I learnt to be brave for the troop and for my mom. Where I learnt to do things for myself. Where I learnt to have faith like no other. Faith in not knowing what the future held. But above all, I found freedom. Freedom to be me. To fall in love with every single fault in me. To allow myself to try and fail and to try once more. To hear from a stranger that they looked up to me, even at times when I felt the walls were crumbling. To be vulnerable enough to seek professional help. To learn to stand on my own. To have the wisdom to know when to reach out and ask for help. To allow myself to be helped. Above all, to remember to breathe.

So the robots have finally learnt to work with the masters. The room is upside down. They help to tidy up. It’s easier now for them too. It’s time to sleep. I am proud of my little makeover. It’s not much. It just needed a little rearranging.  It took psyche to get through the inertia. I am proud of myself. Tomorrow we arise…to a cleaner room.